Adhering to the voice of the Lord isn't always the easiest thing to do. In today's world, it seems as if we listen to everybody (and everything) with the exception of listening to the one who ALWAYS listens to us. Sometimes, what He says or wants us to do isn't clear either. Once you have heard what He has said, the hardest part is taking the action(s) required to complete the task he has asked us to do. At least for me it was.
In the fall of 2015, I set out on what was supposed to be the greatest journey a teenager could take: college. I enrolled with the most hours that the Dean of Students would allow a freshman to enroll with, and I WAS SET. I had received numerous scholarships that allowed my first year of college to be completely paid for. I was making good grades and having the time of my life... until tragedy hit. After my freshman year, I applied for over fifty scholarships, only to be notified that I would not be receiving any of them. I was heartbroken. No scholarships meant no school. School was my life. I lived and breathed Boyle's Law, quadratic formulas, and chemical reactions. Why would God do this to me? I prayed fervently, read my Bible daily, and attended church every service. I was faithful to Him, why wasn't he giving me this desire?
In the fall of 2016, I enrolled in an online university. I was blessed to have everything paid for again! I enrolled in my classes and was set to begin in September of 2016. A few weeks before my classes started, I knelt to pray and asked God to grant me the wisdom and strength it would take to make it through these next few years. Boy, was I in for a SURPRISE! About forty or forty-five minutes into my prayers, God spoke to me and gave me a calling. A calling to missions. You see, I had prayed and prayed for a couple of years to do mission work, but it never happened. I never got called. I sat back and thought to myself for a bit. Why would the Lord want ME, of ALL people, to do this? Then, it hit me. "Ahlyia, you just THINK it was the Lord. You just want it so bad that you gave yourself that thought."
So, I just set it aside and forgot about it. Soon after, I received a letter in the mail stating that I would owe this online school $7,000 - $9,000 PER SEMESTER. Like I've previously stated, no money = no school. With yet another broken heart, I had to drop. The question came up again: Why me Lord? When winter hit, I was desperately searching for a job AND a school to attend. I knelt to pray one night, fervently seeking the will of the Lord. That same calling came to me. You need to do missions work. But, I pushed it away because I WANTED.. no, NEEDED to further my education. Later, I came into contact with a representative from a university that told me everything would be paid for, and I could take all my classes online on my OWN time. I just began to rejoice and thank the Lord. I was so excited. I was enrolled and had a class schedule. A few days before my classes started, I received a letter in the mail about financials. As I began to read, my heart sunk. "An error occurred.. you will be responsible for $10,000 per semester..." WHY, LORD, WHY? I began to think nothing would ever work out. Heartbroken, I knelt for my daily prayers. I sobbed. Cried. BEGGED the Lord to just let me do what I wanted to do. THAT'S when it hit me.
You see, that whole time I was so focused on what AHLYIA wanted and not what GOD wanted. I was so busy following my own feelings and emotions that I pushed away and ignored what God was telling me to do. All the heartbreak and hurt that I had received was MY fault, not God's. This showed me the importance of listening to the Lord. I began to look back on the nights of my calling. I constantly told myself that that was what I wanted. It's just my wants getting in the way. NEVER take for granted what the Lord is speaking to you. Always ask the Lord for reassurance on the word(s) he has given you. Pray for his guidance, but most of all, pray for a willing heart and an open ear. God's voice isn't always an audible one. He may speak to you through another person, a song, a word, etc. The ways are endless. Don't be afraid to ask if that little voice was his. Doing what the Lord wants is ALWAYS the best option. You may have to set aside your dreams, like I did, to pursue your calling. Just remember that in the end... everything will be worth it.
"And it shall come to pass, if thou shalt hearken diligently unto the voice of the LORD thy God...that the LORD thy God will set thee on high above all nations of the earth..." Deuteronomy 28:1
